i dont tink i'll be able to sleep tonight...
my heart is thumping away in excitement like "happy feet"...
my sweetie will be back tml morning...i cant wait...
too happy for words...
when the brains far too alert from all the anticipation, sleep is impossible!
this sounds crazy...but im too happy to type!
haha tatas!
p.s. jus collected his v-day present from my besties hse...it looks awesome...
hope he likes it *fingers crossed*

11:39 PMY

i dont know where to start...
hmm my day started with meetin some frens to play pool at monsterque...
followed by meeting meiyan for a Cheer Up outing...
i had a bliss of a time...
we went to catch a movie called "happy birthday", it's really nice, touching, funny (meiyan and i laughed so loudly even when everyone else were pretty quiet, kinda embarassing) and sad at the same time...a must watch! oh and we smuggled in burger king nuggets and cheese sticks to munch on during the movie too...
when the movie ended i was left sighing and feeling depressed inside...
argh guys! are all the same in one way or another...
no matter how good they may seem to be, a flaw is sure to show up...
im not saying they are supposed to be perfect, we girls aint perfect either!
but as my guy fren said during our game of pool today-90% of a guy's brain has been made for sex alone...it's been proven by scientists...
i guess self-control to them is kinda out of the question right?
and staying faithful just seems so difficult...
i get so pissed off jus thinking about this, i having been through with 3 of my frens their heartaches, most of it lies with e guy being unfaithful, a 2 timer etc.
sigh what can i say...i may give the best of advices to cheer them all up, but i myself know that im the weakest of heart...

enough of that...
after e movie, we went to look around for nice gowns from daniel yan, tangs etc.
i tried on quite a few, but non gave me e "FEELING" about them...
it's all about the feeling! haha right not meiyan?
the next time i'll try bridal gown shops... i decided to rent a gown for my guy's commission ball next month...hee at least i wont need to worry about another girl walking in with the same gown as me...
that'd be a nightmare!

oh well all i remember very clearly is that we talked so much today that our throats kept feeling parched...so we stopped and bought drinks quite a couple of times...
we just chattered on and on about everything under the sun...
meiyan is now officially my most "intimate" friend!
i'm glad i forced her out and made her dress up, instead of leaving her to feel all lousy at hm...
i understand fully how she feels, thats why i know how much having company helps speed up the healing inside...

1:26 AMY

it's 3 whole, full, looong days till i see him...i cant wait...
sigh i have been going through my saved messages, and remembered him telling me how he needed to take 1 to 2 whole days to compose a poem jus for me when i only needed a few minutes to do it...
if only he knew how much i appreciated them...

by him:
"as the earth rotates, the clock ticks, the sun rises and the nitefall, every day, every hour, every minute including every second im always thinking about u..."

"the moon hangs high in the sky , the stars shine bright in e sky, ya love stays with me thru e night, my heart is with you every single night..."

oh well...my day's been great but a little weary...

went over to my best friend's hse for dinner and completed my v-day present for him there...

but spent quite a while comforting her and hearing her talk it out about the strains of her first relationship...

about how when she puts in her everything but does not get appreciated and how he puts his frens before her...how he falls asleep when she is talking to him about her feelings over the phone...how whenever he goes to meet her, it's cus she "forced" him to...him being so strt forward that his words cut through her like a knife...esp when he is angry and apologises later saying he does not mean 99% of what he said...sigh

...been through it all...but i could never really understand it...all i know is that it's made me stronger...
in a way that i am still able to open myself up and fall in love all over again...
something i never dreamt i could do...
for me to love again seemed like something that only happened in movies, novels and fairy tales...

1:44 AMY

i lack sleep and i need it badly...NOW!
i'll make this a quick one...
i was up till now trying to complete typing out the minutes for a meeting held at my workplace but my brain just cant function anymore...
i'm having so much difficulty forming sentences from the point forms i jotted down...

i'm gonna get a scolding from him when he sees how late i have been sleeping, though he has been constantly reminding me to get an early nights rest...sigh

he cares more about me then i do about myself...

i guess mei yan and I are very much alike in terms of how we feel...she agrees very much with what i had expressed in my last entry...
it's a relief... i was starting to feel i was being too emotional...

but expressing it out has made me better aware of it...though i haven quite found the right solution to it!

i'm gonna get panda eyes really soon...
nights everyone

12:18 AMY

my day today started out with the usual work work work...
followed by dave dave dave...
then some 'alone' time...
i was watching "Aladdin" with my little sis gertrude, right after dave's mum came to pick him up...
i was entirely absorbed in the show-find it really fascinating! so dream-like and imaginary... it's been awhile since i last saw it...
well i was totally absorbed by it, and thought of nothing else till it came to the last happily ever after bit...
i tot of him...my immediate reaction then was to go to my room and get a glance at my handphone in case he had msged or called...well he was calling me tat very moment...

it's pretty depressing at times when you expect to see a msg or call from him, but the phone jus has that blank screen shown...if you knw what i mean...

well...the moment i answered his call tears jus formed in my eyes...it's like POOF! they jus appeared and slid down the sides of my cheeks...
he's called quite abit, but this is the first time my eyes-or I reacted in this manner...
i wanted to pour out my true feelings and how i felt at that moment, but all that came out of my mouth were words that were guarded and protected.
i dont know why, the only sentence said to him-that came from deep inside but had me struggling for awhile before it finally came out was: "i want you to come back faster..." but that itself had been checked in my head over and over to make sure...i dont know to make sure of what!
but every single word spoken out of my mouth to him on the phone din want him to know how much i needed him then...
he din even suspect i was tearing, i had managed to sound like i was fine...

i guess when you had your love taken forgranted once, the once when you thought you could pour out everything and empty your weaknesses to who you thought felt the same...

you are afraid that, that same affection you had once showered exceedingly would be used in the same way...it's inexpressible! gosh i'm finding it so hard to find the words...

so you start to think that the best solution to never getting hurt again is to let the someone not get inside your emotions...

it's difficult...sigh i feel like i need to protect all my weaknesses and feelings...it's horrible...esp when you are keeping it away from someone you love...
i'm so confused! i dont understand this much either...

9:47 PMY

my whole system is currently freakingly exhausted!
i started work at 7 this morning, and had to clean half the school's mattresses as usual...
followed by keeping away the toys that have been washed and greeting the children at the gate...
i wasn't able to grab a quick bite as i had woke up late...so i kinda sneakily took some of the breakfast that was meant for the chld...
haha it was "only" 4 pieces of cut up roti prata, which equaled to one whole prata!
well we watched hi-5 and barney- e usual programs that i have seen over and over again till i am able to sing all the songs in them...heex
followed by lunch-bee hoon...
hmm...actually i realised quite a few days back that having grown used to the bland taste of childcare food-in which we teachers are served exactly what the chld eat...
food there always has less salt, less sugar and is not supposed to be too tasty...
no wonder whatever food i eat outside is most of the time yummy! to me...
i'm no fussy eater, though i hate carrots to the core i swallow them in front of my chld-and yes! it was to set a good example...but the result they took out all their carrots and threw them in my bowl! oh wells...to love is to make sacrifices for those you love...that was one of my little sacrifices...
after lunch, when strands bee hoon had been scattered all across the floor, it was nap time for e kids!
i ended up falling asleep between melody and sunnie who were hugging my hands-melody on my right & little sunnie on my left...smiles
i slept all the way till 12.55...jus 5 mins before i ended work!
was supposed meet up with hazel at 2 for our shopping spree...but i somehow ended up at her house...and as it always happens, we dilly dally-ed till 4 before we left the house...
we headed for bugis and settled to have a very late lunch at sakae sushi...we even camwhored for abit when hazel's tapioca tempura took a looong time to be served...i ate 22bucks worth of stuff that made me feel awfully stuffed too...
we then walked the whole of bugis to get things she & i wanted...except for bugis street that is!
i bought myself:
-a belt
-5 pieces of lingerie (which caused me a BOMB!)
-a necklace
-errings
-hp cover
yup that's about it...
oh and we took pictures too together at a photo booth meant for taking passport photos!
i cant type any longer...
i need sleep!
nights everyone:)

p.s yes i still miss him terribly...8 more days to go...it's 12.27am now...i cant stop thinking about him...

-a word of advice given by hazel to me today "dont keep your hopes nor expectations too high even for the one you truly love, things may not always be what they seem"-it's been keeping me pondering...

11:50 PMY

i ended off my last entry in quite a hurry as i was heading with my parents to ikea (e one at tampines)...it's been awhile since i last went there...
we went there for dinner and i had a salmon dish with potatoes + fried chicken wings... it was alright...nothing fantastic :x
i wasn't really in the mood to walk around...all i could think about was how much i missed him...
well i guess i jus couldn't help recalling about him telling me that he wanted to come to ikea when he got his pay, as he needed some stuff for the house...
oh wells! but i did see a couple of "must buys" that cheered me up...
for example: a full length mirror with rainbow stripes patterned corner-it would match perfectly to my wall colour, a comfy sofa chair-single sitter, comfy cushions and cosy carpets...oh oh oh e list can jus go on...and wats more i din even get to see the entire ikea...we went there way too late and it was 5minutes to closing time when we left...
i'll wait till he is back from thailand the next time i head down there to get my stuff!
yest was a rather tiring and stressful day...
the children were rowdy and i could not bring myself to carry out a proper lesson...
oh geez...
i got involved in a small misunderstading between friends too and it jus made my day way more horrid!
i was walking around school pale faced and had that strained look upon it...
my kind collegue offered to help in controlling the class...but the burden was still there...
i know i'm supposed to relax and just do my part on telling the truth...
but even after clarifying the matter, i just kept worrying about losing the friends i treasure, being the cause of a conflict, getting my loved one and people i din knw into trouble, jus becus i did somethin i never knew wld end up tis way, it seemed most natural of wat had leaked out of me, but i felt like a 38 seriously...i blamed myself over & over again till i tot i could burst...
i'm glad it ended kinda in a happily ever after way...
im always like tat when faced with probs! argh! i just cant take it when a problem lands BOOM! right in my face...my heart starts racing no matter how small a problem may be, and my mind starts filling up with a 100 tots at a time...making me nauseous...
ok maybe im exaggerating...but i have a fear for rejection and problems...ok and not to mention heights as well...im such a weakling!
yest was also the first day i was to bring dave home to have my mum babysit him...
he just hates shower time and clung on to me-like he was clinging for his life, when i showered him...
poor boy, his entire face was tomato red when he was done...
he's still not too familiar with my mum so i have to be around in order for him to feel secure...
but today was different...he's getting more comfortable with mummy dear, and even din cry much when my mum tried bathing him...
we fed him dinner and then i took him to ponggol plaza for a short "wallk around and enjoy the air-con".
he's at home with his mum now and here i am blogging this...
it's been a long day!
jus a quick update on my nursery 2 class:
they have been as naughty as usual, but thats what children are like at their age...and i have been growing closer to them as i had with my previous class...
jus when i was about to end work today, i had them sit in front of me and "lectured" them for about half an hour on why i scolded them and got angry with them etc.
...at the end of it all i told them i loved them and thats way i did what i did...hee
even my collegue could not believe they actually sat down for a whole half an hour listening and just keeping quiet the whole time!
i feel that i have built a closer bond with them and treat them like my own...
hmm as for the playgroup class in which i teach in the mornings, it jus been hectic, 2 new chld came in today and jus could not stop crying... the one i tried comforting, ended up falling asleep on my lap after a looong time...hahas
but this is still the life i enjoy whether you believe it or not...
my job=my passion

i gtg shower now...
tatas...

p.s i just realized that the timings on all my entries are wrong...i'll set it right when i have the time yup :)

8:54 PMY

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007