clare:
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
it's been awhile since i last blogged...so much so he asked me why i only blogged so often when he was away in thailand...seriously i dont really know why...maybe it was the only way i could pent down my true feelings and thoughts...it's strange how my mind works at times...i even tend to get irritated by my own actions...and yesh i guess im here blogging once again cus i feel really down...i cant talk it out to anyone...no one would understand...it's jus one of those "emotional turmoil" time when i need to be alone to think everything over...i read meiyan's blog and a para from her feb 24 entry jus striked me and left me thinking..."Disappointment is what you get when you hear too much sweet nothings, believing it to be true, when it really turns out to be quite the contrary, some time later."
i hate acting all "girl girl" and jus needing someone so much...
is being dependent on someone bad?
why is it that i have been giving my whole heart at work and still get told that my working attitude has deproved...i cant take it! i really cant...only i know how much i am affected by all this but i dont show...i blame myself again and again...it's pure torture...
maybe i should get back to writing poems...keeps me alive...
i realised for the first time, a few weeks back, that i have a food allergy! i cant take oysters...that came to my mind all of a sudden...i always thought i was "allergy proof".
sigh...
times with him have been great...everytime we meet is happYness for me...
i feel so tired sometimes...not physically tired, not mentally tired jus plain tired of eveything...
my parents and i have been really close and im glad about that =)
i give alot of love to my children at work...alot=enough to make 19 children beaming from ear to ear...im serious!
i have been trying to get along with my little sis...it's been working too-with his encouragement...
BUT i need love and affection showered on me too! i jus feel so...
argh! im jus being selfish!
here's what has been going on daily for me right now when im at work...checking my hp again n again to spot a msg from him...waiting for a reply...waiting for the children's naptime to take a break ...waiting for the weekend to come...i cant survive an entire week with jus a weekend of love...but i do anyway...because he is worth all the wait =)
i jus keep waiting...and when the wait is finally over...the short while of happYness jus passes by...
i lack patience...oh lord i need it badly...
11:39 PMY
